Listening is Key with Aged Adults

Mary Lynn Pannen is one of the nation’s leading experts on Geriatric Care Management and Home Care for seniors. As President of Sound Options, she has built a very successful home care business in the Puget Sound region.  Mary Lynn recently described her company’s service this way: “Able to transform potentially stressful circumstances into readily manageable solutions, Sound Options works with clients with a wide range of needs and medical conditions.” I was struck with how similar her mission is to my mission in constructing comprehensive and well-thought-out estate plans.  For those of you wrestling with plans for your older adult parents, I thought you would benefit from this recent blog post by Mary Lynn.

One of the reasons that I am intrigued with working with older adults is their life stories. I really like listening to how a person summarizes their life or how they remember the simplest detail. Listening is a pleasure and it is so important while helping older adults live out the last chapters of their lives. One can learn so much by listening. As an adult child you may hear things you never knew before and that may allow you to see your parent in a different light. You may learn the very reason for why your parent made decisions – good or bad. I find listening creates for me more understanding and that at the end of the day we all have similar wishes and desires.

1. If possible have your older parent participate in planning their care
2. Create a safe environment for your parent
3. Provide quality of life- this will be different for each person.
4. Talk about the old times. Reminiscing can be very satisfying to both your parent and you.
5. Do not make promises you cannot keep
6. Make sure that their end of life desires are fulfilled
7. Do not forget that your parent is an adult – not a child
8. Provide ways for your parent to remain as safely independent as possible

Planning and sensitivity becomes even more important with age.  And it is even more important to address the personal as well as the factual elements of the situation.  If I can be of assistance in “transforming your potentially stressful circumstances into readily manageable solutions”, please, let’s talk.  Call me.

A word or two about ethics brings the comfort of confidentiality

Meet one of my fellow Wealth Counsel attorneys, Suzann Beckett. Suzann is a colleague who practices in Connecticut, and she recently posted to her blog this reminder of ethics guidelines as they apply to sharing confidential information.

Perhaps one of the least talked about aspects of working with a lawyer
is the fear some of us have of exposing our personal lives to a total
stranger. That reluctance takes a back seat in criminal law, where the
process you are thrust into isn't voluntary. But when considering the
larger decisions in life, opening the books on a lifetime of financial
acquisitions, debts, and concerns to a total stranger can lead some
people to avoid involving a lawyer when making long term plans.

Like most fears, the emotional reaction we have can be profoundly
counter-productive. Sadly, it isn't all that unusual for costly,
irreparable mistakes to be the result of our attempts to keep prying
eyes out of our business.

The key is to be selective. When you plan for the future, you don't
necessarily want to show the records of your financial holdings to your
hairdresser, or the guy who mows your lawn. But it would be a good idea
to come clean with the IRS on an annual basis. And although it may seem
counter-intuitive, the best way to maintain control of your wealth and
property over the long haul is to have an open, honest discussion of
your plans with a legal professional who has your best interest at
heart. Whether you are buying a home, building a business, filing for
bankruptcy protection, or planning for the handling of your estate, you
want to be the person in control - and you want the decisions you make
to be based on solid legal grounds, not a gut feeling that may or may
not stand up when you need it to.

Keep in mind that you are the customer, and the law is in a very real
sense, a service industry.

So rest easy when you think about laying open your books, and your plans
to a lawyer. The Bar Association holds lawyers to a very high ethical
standard. Like your doctor, your lawyer is required by law to keep your
confidence. A responsibility that we take very seriously, and one that I
find comforting whenever I sit with a client who indicates the slightest
concern for the security of their personal information.

When serving as your legal counsel, it is my responsibility to act with your best interests at heart. This posting by Suzann Beckett is a concise reminder that my counsel to you is for you and in your best interest. When offering counsel in my professional capacity, it is always confidential and it is specific to your needs.

First String or Second String..They should all be good

Being a member of the Wealth Counsel organization gives me access to the first string across the country, and recently one of these colleagues addressed what is a concern for many of my clients.  So I’m passing along his thoughts. I think you will find them, as I did, to be very relevant and helpful.

“Typically a client builds a team of advisors to pull all the planning and implementation pieces together.  We all know that selecting this first team of advisors is very important. Many people are extra thorough in their approach.  Getting referrals, researching others experiences, and hopefully assembling a trusted group of advisors in the process. And in most cases, once they pick their advisors they typically stick with the team. Most people don’t like change, so a well chosen team avoids future stress and churn in the team’s makeup.  

One the First Team has been built.  Then comes the next most important task – choosing the Second String.  This is a critical next step, but often people don’t take this “second string” step. What do we mean by “second string”? Just as in sports, these are the “subs” or the ones that come into the game when something happens to the “first string” or starters. These are the ones waiting in the wings to take their place without a loss of momentum. 

The same situation occurs in working with your advisors for some of the most important aspects of your life – your wealth, your wills, your trusts, etc. We can all agree that no one is going to live forever. But few people take the next step to minimize their estate risks by picking “successors” to back-up each member of the first team. 

When it comes to managing personal risks, a succession plan should be implemented, especially for estate planning. It does take a bit of time, and it is a nominal investment.  But it is wise to have that second string in place sharing the “playbook” for your estate. It just helps lower your risks, lowers your stress and allows you to sleep better at night.”

Take your medicine...it's Good For You

Americans just do not like to discuss estate planning. Supposedly 7 out of 10 of us have no plan. Of the 3 who do, what are the chances that the plan is up to date? 

A friend of mine, Michael Stuart, just sent me this article in the NY Times, Estate Planning as Family Conversation, talking about talking. I wanted to share it with you as it paints the picture of what happens with no plan, and even how to open a conversation about one. 

When I think about the plans that I have helped clients create, many stories come to mind. One recurring theme is a senior couple who own some investments and real property, with one of their adult children serving full-time as a caretaker. Other kids are not too involved in things… and the caretaker daughter pretty much has her hands full with children of her own and helping out the folks. In this situation, the adult daughter has a full time job or two already… and no outside means of support. 

Many parents want to treat children "equally." But what do you do when there is only so much to go around, and the cost to one kid (the helper) is simply going to be too high for that to even remotely be fair? Parents must first plan for their care, then consider being "fair" rather than "equal" to those who follow. 

It's often the right thing to do… but without some conversation, and openness, it will likely have a huge cost in terms of relationships down the line. And ignoring this dynamic is unlikely to provide a better result. So start talking, it is a big first step to helping you with your estate planning today and well into the future.

 

Why Legalzoom.com is better than an attorney

A legal colleague of mine, Dennis Brislawn, wrote an interesting blog post about the use of LegalZoom.com compared with the services of an attorney, and I thought you might find his perspective interesting.

I recently had an opportunity to check out some LegalZoom documents.  One of my friends used the LegalZoom service to prepare some Wills for his kids.  They were simple trust planning documents.  Each spouse left the estate to the other, but if both were deceased, they had a Common Trust for all kids until they turned 21, then money would split into shares that each child would receive in equal installments at ages 24, 27, and 30.  These LegalZoom documents even had powers of attorney and all the trimmings.

The documents looked pretty "legal.”  My friend did the plan himself, in an hour or two on the weekend, and only spent a few hundred dollars.  He did this lieu of going to an attorney for budget reasons and scheduling difficulty with his activities.  At least he did something, which is far better than not covering this important issue – so kudos to my friend.

When he sought my opinion, my comments were that I thought the documents were good from a simplistic technical perspective.  I actually kind of liked them as they were well-written and clean.  How did that work compare to what I or one of my estate planning attorney colleagues would do?  They were simple, not elegant.  But the most important missing component is they did not demonstrate insight, personalization, or the awareness of core values important to my friends.  The document was clear for the kids after age 21, but there was no meaningful guidance into how a trust would be used by the guardians of children to raise them until age 21.  Guidelines create the comfort that their kids will become the adults their parents would be proud of.  What about asset protection for adult children to protect their inheritance against divorce or bankruptcy?  I think you get my point.

Result?  I was retained to do a comprehensive plan to address all the things that were not part of the simple LegalZoom plan. We also looked over their investments, retirement planning, insurance coverage, and the separate inheritances each was to get from their own grandparents and parents.  I reached out to my friend's advisers and got their help in relooking at all these things to make sure that they were properly handled too.

LegalZoom provides documents.  But I’m reminded by this experience that law is far more than the preparation of documents.  It is about listening, discerning, and identifying core values.  It is about understanding what can keep your clients awake at night.  It is about pulling together resources to resolve those concerns and to put a plan in place.  But, even more important, it is about working to keep that plan tuned up so that as things change, it changes.  Documents are simple.  Wisdom is harder to come by.

My experience is similar to this post by Dennis.  I help people with information that will lead to good decisions and workable plans.  The forms that I use are secondary part of my service. LegalZoom is better than doing nothing, and an attorney providing good advice offers more than just a set of forms. If you agree – or disagree – I’d welcome your comments. 

 

The Children get Stuck with the work

I wanted to share a story with you that a good friend of mine and associate, Dennis Brislawn of Brislawn Lofton LLC, recently shared with me about one of his clients. It was very applicable to what I see all the time.

"I had the incredible opportunity to attend my aunt’s birthday party and take this photo. It was indeed a happy occasion for all – especially when she invited everyone back for her 100th birthday party in 2011.

While enjoying the celebration and festivities, I was reminded of the sobering thought of all the financial and legal plans that her only daughter has been saddled with as her mother aged. As the children of aging parents, we never know if we will be buying a celebration balloon like this for their 99th birthday – and it is usually the least of our challenges as the years creep forward for a centenarian parent.

While attending her birthday party, my mind drifted to the many issues her only child has had to deal with for nearly 25 years. Getting to this 99th birthday has been a lot more work and worry for the daughter than for the birthday mother. The daughter has had to manage finances, coordinate moves, work with doctors, screen assisted living homes, and of course, work with the attorneys.

I was personally relieved, knowing I could attend the celebration, wish my aunt a “Happy Birthday”, and return home. My cousin, on the other hand, would be at the party to the very end. She would be cleaning up the leftover cake, policing the party room at the assisted living facility, etc. And she still has to deal with all the fiduciary responsibilities that continue long after the party has ended."
 
People deal with these types of real issues every day – most of which are neither easy nor pleasant. Working with attorneys and other professionals should be the least of their worries. After all, they have to start planning for the next big birthday party for their mom!

How to eat an elephant

Aah, it is the age old conundrum.  How to eat an elephant?  It is a much used description for the large and seemingly undoable challenges we all face.  In our legal practice, it is often the best way to describe the challenge of estate planning.  It’s not a simple fast foot dish to take on.  Instead, estate planning is the proverbial “elephant” and the successful plan will address your estate plan much like the old “how to eat an elephant answer…….you take it one bite at a time.”

Estate planning is often viewed as the “elephant” challenge for many people.  And as an attorney, it is my job to help turn the “elephant” into bite sized tasks.  And advise on where to start and where to take the next bite.  Since one of the most common comments from a client is, “I just don’t know where to start”, I knew we needed to talk about “eating the elephant.”

You know the old saying, “How do you eat an elephant?”  One bite at a time.  Most people don’t know how to prepare the elephant (estate planning).  After my discussion with Bill and Sally, they understood what it was to create a process where you can reduce the different elements of estate planning into bite sized pieces.  This allowed them to take them on, one element at a time – dealing with those that were most pressing first.  After they understood it was “one bite at a time,” you could feel a huge “sigh of relief” instantly hit the room.

Just like an elephant, it might take a while to eat it one bite at a time.  But with the right plan and persistence, Bill and Sally eventually saw the successful (and less stressful) result.  The key is to approach it with a bite sized view of the challenge rather than facing a daunting elephant-sized single project.  There is a great article talking about the ways that businesses (as opposed to estate plans) use this approach to take on these types of elephant issues.  The article is by E-Myth, and you’ll find it at this location, "How to Eat an Elephant" - might give you some interesting perspectives on applying the “elephant eating solution” to your other business situations.  As for elephants, they really aren’t that hard to eat…